Retail, Wurt the Furk. Like a Bass.

Oh hey guys. Happy June, I guess. I haven't been on here that much lately, and my sincerest apologies to that. I've been really busy with work and life, and all that other great stuff, but here I am, finding time for you. Go me. I have Pandora on right now, and I'm loving what it's throwing at me. I'll link the songs I love. Right now we have "Mansin Humanity" by State Radio. Love it.

Anyways, what's new out there in the internets? I found this funny picture the other day, and feel obligated to share it with you guys:

lolololol Why is you so punny interweb?

 

Alright, but Siriusly...haha. Life has been interesting lately, I've had my ups and downs this past month, but all in all, I came out of it with a smile on my bearded-once-more face, and that's all that matters really. I just discovered this song on Pandora. Love it. But back to what I was saying, I have no idea where I'm headed right now, and I don't really have much direction. But I'm enjoying myself, and getting drunk, and having fun, and loving life. I'm fine with where things are right now, and when I figure them out, I'll let you know, but in the meantime, why not have fun just being me and all that jazz.

Pandora just threw some ex-ladyfriend at me with a little bit of Three Legged Fox. Whaddup ex? Anyways, so more ranting about fucking retail and my stupid job. I've been slowly building a list of things that people do that piss me off at my job, and what better place to write this down than here, for you guys. (Holy shit, I love everything P is throwing at me right now. Rock out with your Zox out with me) So, without further distractions, until the song changes and I love that one too, here's my list of shit that pisses me off at retail.

Wurt the Furk: Retail

1) Get control of your annoying children. Seriously? This isn't a fucking daycare. I don't get paid enough to even care, let alone care about the well being of your child. So, put that thing on a leash, because it is fucking shit up, and I may be a grown man, but I'm not above punting your child out the door.

 Get the fuck out before I drop kick your stupid toddler ass.

2) Fuck you, you're not right. Whoever came up with the line "The Customer Is Always Right" has never worked retail. Funny thing is, I get paid to know my shit. I've been here for 6 years. Chances are, 6 years minus 20 minutes longer than you've been here. Why do you question everything I say? Would you go up to a professional sports player and tell him he's doing his job wrong based on something you read about his position? No. That would be retarded. So don't do it me.

3) Get off your goddman cell phone. Are you a surgeon with an urgent case? Are you a cop being pulled into duty? Is this a fucking emergency? If you answered yes to these, get the fuck out of the store and do your job, stop buying shoes. But chances are, you said no. So get the fuck off the phone. I don't want to hear your conversation. And go help you if you...

4) Talk on your phone at the register. Alright, so we let your obnoxiousness slide whilst you were browsing our selection, now comes the time where you actually have to interact with me, because I am selling you shit. But wait, your conversation with whoever isn't over yet? So you're just gonna pretend I'm not there, give me money and leave? Fuck you, no. You talk to me when I ring you up.

5) Don't return a bunch of shit you just bought. So, everything went well, we sold you some stuff, things were ducky, and then you turn around and change your mind. Seriously? Are you a fucking goldfish? Like, I don't have the best memory, but I can remember shit I want and don't want enough to not buy stuff then immediately return it. Ugh. (P just gave me some fucking awesome JBT)

6) Closing at 6 means that we fucking close at 6. Don't come into my store at 5:57 and expect me to drop everything to let you browse around and fuck up shit that I just spent hours cleaning. Get out. Go home. I want to go home. Like I would honestly love to know what makes someone want to shop for those last 3 minutes a store is open. Is their a thrill in pissing off people and then getting told to leave?

 Closed gate means closed store, bitch.

7) Don't touch fucking everything. Seriously? You feel the need to touch everything in the store? I can tell you that a XL in that ugly ass shirt looks the same as an XL in that color. No need to pick it up and hold it up to your misshapen body. How long have you been wearing clothing that you need to personally inspect every size that goes on your grossness.

8) Don't make me size your gross old man feet. You're 150 years old. I know shoes are a fairly new concept, and the sizes are a tricky thing, what starting at 7 and all, but seriously? Who goes shoe shopping and doesn't know their shoe size. I'll tell you who, a fucking child. Other than that, most people are adults, and can figure that shit out. Like...if it doesn't fit, it doesn't fit. If it's too tight, go bigger, if it's too big, go smaller. Fuck off. (Listen to some Hendrix with me)

I'm sure there's more that I have in me, but I'll leave you with that for now. Don't want to yell at you guys for too long. But like I said, I'll try to write in here more, keyword being try. You guys all stay classy, who knows, maybe something exciting will happen soon and I'll have something cool to write about. Until then you'll just have to read about my shitty job I guess. Peace out my sexy beasts.